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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25582306">Fowl business</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mentosmorii/pseuds/mentosmorii'>mentosmorii</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Butler-Fowl Family Dynamics, Childhood Adventures, Found Family, Gen, Shenanigans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:15:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,937</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25582306</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mentosmorii/pseuds/mentosmorii</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Before the Fowl Star sank, Artemis was (albeit briefly) a child — and with this fact comes all that childhood entails. This is one of the many misadventures he and Juliet, the only other child in Fowl Manor, managed to stumble into.</p>
<p>A tale of winding hallways, surprises, and Fowl business.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>🌊Artemis Fowl summertime fanfic exchange  🌊</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fowl business</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aculos/gifts">Aculos</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic would definitely not be where it is without the input of E., S., V., and L. from the Fowl chat I'm in. Y'all rock, and your grasp of the characters and the series in general always blows my mind. Thanks again!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It is an extraordinarily difficult thing to be bored when you are eleven. Like many eleven-year-olds, Juliet Butler had not yet mastered the art of entertaining herself when left to her own devices. Not for a lack of trying, either  — on her part or on her brother’s. Despite a wealth of books and old DVDs to pull from, Juliet found each day posed the question of how it would be made worthwhile. She was a social creature at her core; she could only subsist on her own thoughts and imagination for so long. Were she only ‘Juliet’ instead of ‘Juliet Butler’, this daily problem could have long been solved by simply enrolling her in secondary school. But as her uncle had explained, the Butlers did not go to school with other children their age. A homeschooling curriculum was necessary to help her realize her potential as a bodyguard.</p>
<p>Privately, Juliet suspected she’d be able to convince her brother to let her enroll partially in one of the nearby girls’ schools, if only for a semester. Even if it sometimes took a while, he usually took her side during arguments about her duty as a Butler.</p>
<p>Yet even if she were to wake with the knowledge that a St. Mary's uniform was hanging in her closet, neat and pressed and just waiting to be put on, the daily question would remain — what was she going to do with herself until suppertime?</p>
<p>Often, the answer reared its head in the form of the easy entertainment gained from pestering the only other child in the manor.</p>
<p>Juliet was four years older than the son of Mr. and Mrs. Fowl, but she often forgot how much younger Artemis was. He was smart — almost unnervingly so — and when Artemis spoke, it was with the self-assurance and intellect of an adult. Mrs. Fowl was convinced that his demeanor was due to shyness, and she’d often tried to recruit Juliet in helping her to coax the boy into being more social. </p>
<p>Juliet snorted. Artemis was almost as far from ‘shyness’ as you could get at the age of seven. </p>
<p>Seated across from her on the chaise lounge, Artemis furrowed his brow in annoyance, having been disturbed from his work by the noise. When she’d joined him on the sofa earlier, he’d made her promise not to bother him until he’d finished the research he was working on, but with most of the morning gone by, Juliet’s patience was wearing thin.</p>
<p>“Are you almost done?” she asked, nudging him gently with her foot.</p>
<p>Dom had once reprimanded her for being too rough when she’d jokingly pushed Artemis during a squabble they’d had a while back. She hadn’t meant to be too rough — Artemis’ intellect sometimes created the illusion that he was invulnerable, but physically, he was quite fragile, and Juliet had promised to be more mindful of this.</p>
<p>Artemis looked up, lips drawn into a thin line. Juliet grinned, nudging him again, and this time she put a bit more force behind it.</p>
<p>“I take it you’re not going to be satisfied with ‘no’,” he sighed. </p>
<p>“Hey, take it up with <em> your </em> mum,” she said airily. </p>
<p>The tips of his ears reddened. “I don’t know where she’s gotten the idea of all but telling you to babysit me, but her concern is sorely misplaced. I’m doing important work, Juliet. Father expects me to work with him when I am older, and until then, the very least I can do is try to maintain <em> some </em> level of competence in subjects relevant to the family business.”</p>
<p>“I dunno,” she shrugged. “I saw something on RTÉ that said you get loopy if you never hang out with other people.”</p>
<p>“I’m hardly in isolation, Juliet.”</p>
<p>“What if,” she began, “you went to one of your da’s meetings, and right when you went to present your stuff, your brain went to mush. I’d bet you’d wish that you had ditched your studying to have fun sometimes, then.”</p>
<p>Artemis made a face. “That’s grotesque.”</p>
<p>“<em> Oh, grotesque, </em>” she mimicked, putting on the same Oxford affectation he so often used.</p>
<p>Huffing, Artemis closed his notebook. “Fine.”</p>
<p>“Fine?”</p>
<p>“Yes, <em> fine,” </em>Artemis said. “Do you have anything you’d like to do specifically, or was the plan to simply bother me while I was working?”</p>
<p>“Mainly to bug you.”</p>
<p>“Lovely.”</p>
<p>Juliet stretched, humming in thought. “Exploring? We can pick up in the part of the old wing where we left off.”</p>
<p>Artemis rose from the lounge, dusting off non-existent particles of dirt from his pressed slacks. “I suppose I have time for a brief trip out there and back.”</p>
<p>The manor was old — old in a way that meant, funnily enough, that a great deal of it was new. Once, Artemis had explained to her that the original Fowl castle had been built back in the fifteenth century. Over the years, renovations had been undertaken and new wings had been tacked onto the manor in a Frankensteinian fashion. The Butlers and the Fowls had lived in the newer portion of the manor for as long as Juliet could remember, and the seemingly endless supply of winding corridors and decrepit rooms to explore had captured both her own and Artemis’ interest — much to the displeasure of the adults of the household who were then left with the task of finding the two. </p>
<p>The last time Artemis and Juliet had gone exploring in one of the older wings, they’d made it to one of the many abandoned parlors on the northwestern side of the manor. Before they could properly investigate the white-sheet-covered furniture and assorted storage bins, however, they’d had to turn around so as to be back in the modern portion of the manor before supper. Today, they’d at least gotten an early start on their adventure, and it was likely they would be able to get through a few more rooms before having to turn around.</p>
<p>Juliet burst through the doorway to the parlor, ready to start right away at the task of riffling through all the bits and bobs the house had hidden over the years. Artemis, as usual, lingered at the door as she breezed through the room.</p>
<p>Suddenly, he cleared his throat, trying to get her attention. Pausing, she made a quizzical face.</p>
<p>“Do you hear that?” he asked, knitting his brows together.</p>
<p>“No?”</p>
<p>He sighed, entering the room. “I heard something by the corner right before you started moving the boxes around.”</p>
<p>Moving to try to get a good grip, Artemis shifted the box back and forth. Despite his efforts, the box stayed relatively in place.</p>
<p>The sound came again: a small, keening chirp.</p>
<p>The pensive expression on Artemis’ face deepened.</p>
<p>He abandoned the task of trying to move the box, and he instead moved to try to peer behind it. This was made difficult by the defunct sofa that had been perched against a few nearby boxes, but Artemis managed to squeeze himself into the space between.</p>
<p>Carefully, he knelt to the ground, peering behind the box.</p>
<p>Almost immediately, his features went slack with surprise, and he whipped around to look at Juliet. She opened her mouth, about to say something, but he held up a finger to his lips, motioning her to be quiet. </p>
<p>He slid out from the crawlspace, gesturing for Juliet to go look. “Be quiet, or you’ll startle them.”</p>
<p>Trying not to let images of rats’ nests run rampant through her imagination, Juliet slowly moved to wedge herself into the space near the box. Blinking owlishly, she waited as her eyes adjusted to the darkness.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Juliet breathed, eyes wide. “They’re tiny.”</p>
<p>Before her, four downy-feathered nestlings wriggled about in their nest, their tiny heads on a swivel in response to the noise she’d made. A small hole in the side of the cardboard storage bin had been pecked out, and their home of old clothes and assorted knickknacks had been tucked carefully inside. Though the lack of light made it difficult to tell for sure, it appeared as though the chicks were alone — Juliet couldn’t make out an adult lurking deeper into the depths of the bin.  </p>
<p>Gently, Artemis scootched closer so as to almost be beside her. “<em> Sturnus vulgaris. </em>”</p>
<p>She looked at him in confusion, and he grinned, undoubtedly pleased to have the opportunity to show off.</p>
<p>“Starlings,” he explained. “They’re a very common attic bird.”</p>
<p>“If we told your dad about them, do you think he’d call an exterminator?” Juliet whispered, crawling slightly closer to the nest.</p>
<p>Artemis cocked his head, thinking. “It’s not an impossibility.”</p>
<p>She blanched, leaning away from the chicks. “But they’re not hurting anyone!”</p>
<p>“Watch your volume — you don’t want to frighten them!”</p>
<p>“Artemis,” she said, voice lower this time. “You can’t be serious. He wouldn’t!”</p>
<p>“They’re birds,” Artemis said, but his tone wasn’t unkind. “They’ll make a mess.”</p>
<p>“No one comes up here.” Juliet frowned. “They’re just babies, Arty. I don’t know why they’re such a big deal.”</p>
<p>Artemis fell silent, unsure.</p>
<p>“We do have to tell someone about the starlings, Juliet.”</p>
<p>She nodded, her mood soured. “Yeah, I guess.”</p>
<p>They sat there together, awkwardly watching the baby starlings in their makeshift nest. Artemis’ gaze flicked back to Juliet, but she ignored him studying her.</p>
<p>“We-” he hesitated, and she perked up. “We could tell your brother first.”</p>
<p>“Please!”</p>
<p>“Butler would likely know how to take care of it without calling for a professional,” Artemis reasoned, though his reassurance seemed directed as much towards himself as it was to Juliet.</p>
<p>“Maybe he’d even let us keep one or two,” Juliet mused.</p>
<p>Artemis blanched, and she laughed. “I’m kidding!”</p>
<p>The tips of his ears flushed. “I’m not always able to tell when you’re joking around, Juliet.”</p>
<p>She moved to pinch him on the cheek, cooing, and he swatted her hand away, still embarrassed. “Aw, Arty, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“We’re getting your brother,” he emphasized. “Now.” </p><hr/>
<p>It took some time to locate Butler. Lately, he’d been tasked with serving as additional protection during Mr.Fowl’s business deals; at this point in time, Artemis was too young to require the extensive guarding that Butlers usually provided. </p>
<p>Juliet skidded to a halt in the hallway, and Artemis, who was some way behind her, slowed his pace as well. She waved, and Butler stopped in his tracked, surprised to his sister.</p>
<p>“Juliet?”</p>
<p>“We need to show you something,” she blurted out, and her brother’s eyebrows knitted together.</p>
<p>“I’m in the middle of something. You two can show me whatever it is later,” he said, apologetic.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid our business is time-sensitive,” Artemis explained. “I can tell my father why you’re late when we return — however, we do need you to come with us.”</p>
<p>“What’s time-sensitive?”</p>
<p>Artemis and Juliet started, turning to see who spoke.</p>
<p>Mr. Fowl made his way to Butler’s side, motioning for Artemis to explain.</p>
<p>Neither Artemis nor Juliet spoke.</p>
<p>“I was just making my way to your office,” Butler began, moving to stand slightly in front of Juliet. “My sister briefly needed to talk with me, but I’m set for the meeting now.”</p>
<p>“I must have misheard, then,” Mr. Fowl said, feigning surprise. “I thought you had to tend to some ‘time-sensitive’ business, Butler.”</p>
<p>Taking the ribbing in stride, Butler moved to respond. However, Artemis interrupted him before he could do so.</p>
<p>“You weren’t mistaken, Father. I did intercept Butler, as Juliet and I found something of interest on which we require a second opinion. I would have waited and approached you this evening for advice, but I did not want to bother you over such a small matter.”</p>
<p>“How very vague,” his father said, eyebrows raised. “You’ve piqued my interest.”</p>
<p>Juliet shot a warning look at Artemis, who quirked his head, thinking.</p>
<p>“I truly do not want to distract you from your work,” he tried slowly, and Mr. Fowl shook his head.</p>
<p>“I ought to take a break anyway,” he said, and Artemis winced.</p>
<p>“If you insist, Father.”</p><hr/>
<p>This time, the trip to the storage room was short — having traveled there and back a few times now, the route was fresh in the memories of Artemis and Juliet. When the arrived at the door, Mr. Fowl entered first, whereas Juliet hesitated, remaining out in the hall. Briefly, Artemis shot her a sympathetic look, but he soon followed his father into the room without much ado. Butler gave Juliet a small squeeze on the shoulder, and he too followed Mr. Fowl into the room.</p>
<p>“Well?” Mr. Fowl asked, waiting expectantly.</p>
<p>Artemis simply gestured at the box that contained the nest. Mr. Fowl made his way over, carefully lowering himself to the ground so as to not get his business slacks covered in dust.</p>
<p>“In here?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Right, then,” Mr. Fowl muttered, more to himself than anyone else. “What is that we have — oh!”</p>
<p>He leaned away from the box, laughing. “Birds? Why, they must have found a way in sometime over the winter.”</p>
<p>“I agree,” Artemis said tentatively. “I was surprised when Juliet stumbled upon them earlier.”</p>
<p>Butler stepped forward. “Sir, I can take care of the nest if you’d like to get back to work. I know there are a few nests by the pond on the edge of the property; I could move the box into the boot of my car and drive them out—”</p>
<p>“They’re too young to be relocated,” Mr. Fowl explained, amused. “You can’t kick them out at this stage.”</p>
<p>Juliet’s face fell, but she didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>“Tell you what,” Mr. Fowl continued, laying a hand on his son’s shoulder. “Why don’t you find how they got into the room? When they get big enough to survive outside in a few weeks, we’ll evict the birds. If you can find how to keep them from nesting here next spring, then we’ll have solved the problem for good.” </p>
<p>“Yes, Father.”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>Mr. Fowl removed his hand from Artemis’ shoulder. “I am strict, Artemis. But I’m not unnecessarily cruel — to call an exterminator would not change the mess the birds made. That’d only be a cost I’d have to put out in addition to footing the bill for the cleaner.”</p>
<p>Mr. Fowl moved to leave, but he paused at the door, placing his hand against the doorframe. “Butler?”</p>
<p>“I’ll be with you in a moment, sir. I need to talk with my sister.”</p>
<p>Mr. Fowl nodded, hand falling away from the doorframe. “Alright. Meet me back in my office when you’re done — I want you to be there when your uncle and I finalize the business with Britva.”</p>
<p>“Of course, sir.” </p>
<p>For a moment, Butler didn’t speak. Though his expression was carefully guarded as always, it was apparent that he was struggling to find the right words.</p>
<p>Finally, he rubbed at the bridge of his nose, resigned.</p>
<p>“How did you even <em> find </em> the birds?”</p>
<p>“Exploring,” Juliet said, the regretful expression from earlier slipping away once it was clear her brother wasn’t going to reprimand her.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Juliet.”</em>
</p>
<p>“I never take Artemis to the parts of the house that could be dangerous,” Juliet backtracked, and Butler sighed. “I’m not <em> stupid </em>.”</p>
<p>“I know you’re not stupid, Jules. I’m just not thrilled over not knowing where you might be during the day.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah,” she said. “Do you want to see the birds?”</p>
<p>For a moment, Butler seemed as though he was about to say no. However, Juliet clasped her hands together, eyes wide, and his will crumbled. Sensing this, Juliet’s face lit up, and she grabbed his arm, leading him space by the box where one could see the chicks.</p>
<p>Butler crouched, trying to peer into the hole torn in the box. “<em> Oh. </em> They’re... so young.”</p>
<p>He looked back at Juliet and Artemis. “It’s good you didn’t disturb them. Artemis — your father was right. Even if you were gentle, you’d likely have broken a wing or two without meaning to.”</p>
<p>Artemis nodded, pleased to have been commended on how he and Juliet had handled the situation. It wasn’t a very noticeable change in his expression, Juliet noted, but it was practically open preening when coming from him.  </p>
<p>Butler got back up, dusting himself off. </p>
<p>“If they’ve made it this long at such a young age, then it’s likely there’s an adult nearby that’s been bringing them bugs. You should try to not disturb this room for the next few weeks, at the least. We just need to give them a bit of time to grow a bit bigger, and scaring off the parents would only complicate things,” Butler decided, fixing both Artemis and Juliet with a pointed look. “That means no more ‘exploring’, both of you.” </p>
<p>“I can assure you,” Artemis stressed, glancing at Juliet, who rolled her eyes. “That will not be a problem.”</p>
<p>Satisfied, Butler smiled. “Right, then.”</p>
<p>Juliet grinned back, and even Artemis’ composure softened.</p>
<p>“I think we should name them,” she declared. “If the birds are going to be staying in here for a while.”</p>
<p>Artemis groaned, and Butler let out a small chuckle.</p>
<p>“We’re not children, Juliet. We needn’t name the poor creatures.”</p>
<p>“I’ll leave you two to it, I suppose,” Butler said, eyes crinkling in amusement. “Try not to get into any more trouble before dinner, if that’s possible.”</p>
<p>Both Artemis and Juliet nodded, and Butler moved to leave.</p>
<p>Suddenly, he paused. “Juliet?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“I would like to cast my vote for ‘Aquila’ for one of the chicks, please.”</p>
<p>Artemis shot him a glance, intrigued. “Like Zeus’ eagle.”</p>
<p>“See,” Butler hinted. “Not childish.”</p>
<p>Artemis mulled over the comment.</p>
<p>“Perhaps not,” he admitted, and Butler gave him a final smile before ducking out of the room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi — thank you so much to everyone who participated, and thank you Aculos for having such great prompts! Also, although it didn't end up working as the one I picked to write about, I do have 2 Alex Rider + Artemis Fowl crossovers that I've already written on my profile. They are of dubious quality, but c'est la vie. Also, thanks again to the folks from the chat for beta'ing this -- I would never have thought of the potential connection of the Bird Incident to the part in the Arctic Incident where Artemis asserts w/ certainty that his father would never hurt a living being. This is a whole house fluff piece for Fowl Manor, folks.</p>
<p>EDIT: oops forgot to put the rating on this one so for a sec it was marked as adult content?? my b this fic is G(General)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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